I have been struggling with feelings of resentment and unhappiness lately. Most of my feelings of resentment have been directed to my dear husband. Resentment has intruded upon my heart and has a strong and unrelenting grasp on me. I dare not say a word to my hubby because it might upset him or hurt his feelings and if expressing my feelings to him and they cause him to react in such a way than I have failed as his wife and friend. I am not sure about this post but my dearest friend suggested that it might make me feel better and give me the opportunity to step back and assess the situation. To see the truth from a distance and move forward in progress.The resentment stems from my interpretations of his actions and lack their of, such as helping me with the kids or the little things like helping around the house but these little things are now perceived by me to be huge acts of uncaring inconsideration.
Example: He does not open the car door for me. What a small and timeless gesture to show someone you love how highly you think of them, and well I must say it is the polite thing to do. His father opens his wife's car door and pulls out her chair because she, my mother~in~law is that girl to my father~in~law. His ex my husbands mother says "He never did that for me" and I am afraid that I am not that girl to my husband.
It is my opinion that for his friends he will do anything and everything to help them when they call on him. For me it seems schedules and meetings cannot be changed.
I rarely am given the chance or thought of when it comes to sleeping in. I ALWAYS get up with the kids even if I am equally tired I am the one to get up.
Or washing/rinsing his dishes when he has just witnessed me wash them or place them in the dishwasher. He will just leave his dish in the sink!!
My list goes on and on but as resentful as I am toward him I am even more resentful of myself. I never say a word because I don't want to have conflict with my husband. I just marinate in my bitterness and in a few days I go back to being my kooky self. I will say this about my husband and my relationship we have a very traditional marriage. He brings home the bacon and I fry it in the pan!! He is such a success at work because he knows the home front is being taken care of. I just want to be his special girl, after all he chose me to be his wife out of all the girls he wanted me the most.
When I wake up in the morning the first thing I think of is how am I going to make him happy today? What can I do to make his day easier? My mother once told me that if a woman wants to be happy in her marriage that she should marry a man who loves her more than she loves him. I understood her point then and tried to follow her advice but in the end the heart wants what the heart wants.
Perhaps I am just petty and ungrateful for all that I have?
I hear you. For a while, my husband bore the brunt of my resentment from OCD too. I was so worn out from obsessing all day, and then the littlest thing he would do (or not do) would set me off and I'd be so mad at him...and he was clueless that I was feeling that way. It was only after I realized A. that it was happening, and B. that it was irrational, was I able to work on it. And it's taken a lot of work! Sometimes, I still find vestiges of the old annoyance and hatred flaring up. But I found that he was almost just as annoyed as I was at times. The only thing that really helped us (as painfully agonizing as it was) was to talk to each other about how we were feeling. I think you're right, you don't want to hurt your husband's feelings. But sometimes it makes things worse if he doesn't know what you're feeling (even if it is irrational in his opinion.) I'm rooting for ya.
ReplyDeleteWell good news I spoke with my husband and told him what I was feeling and why and everything turned out great!!! Thanks so much for the support and advice friends.
ReplyDeleteOMG it is scary because when I read your blog and Shana's...I hear myself at times. I've done this/felt this way with both my ex husband and current husband...and realize it's a common thread---that goes back to me and how I deal with things and people. I just need to open up and talk about stuff more. (I also need to get the courage to go seek help for my OCD/Anxiety and not just try to deal with it alone anymore)
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