Since being diagnosed with anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder I have had to reveal my true self to my husband of over 10 years Jerry. In my mind I've keep my behavior hidden from him. Revealing my true self to him completely terrifies me to my very core. I am very comfortable with the idea of his perception of me being an absolute goof. I am after all a self proclaimed dork, I own it, I embrace it. I certainly don't want my dear sweet husband to wake up screaming in the night "OH MY GOD SHE'S NUTS!!" So when he asked me about my anxiety and when I started to experience these type of attacks or thoughts I was sure my visions of his night terrors would be coming true that very evening.
The first thing that came to my mind was the gold bracelet. My mother God rest her soul loved jewelry. Before I go any further let me just give you a little bit of background that is not found on my blog info. I am a Mexican no wait that is incorrect I am a Mexican American meaning my parents were born in Mexico and I was born in the United States Of America in Los Angeles of course. They my parents had heavy Mexican accents where I have none. My kids don't even speak Spanish and I can get by in a conversation speaking Spanglish.
Well my parents wanted my siblings and I to have the very best in life and they worked very HARD to make that happen. Well as some of you may or may not know Mexican people love gold jewelry. My mother was no exception, she loved gold jewelry and wanted us to look our best always. She being the loving mother that she was bought me a gold bracelet which I had a serious love /hate relationship with.
Don't get me wrong the bracelet was beautiful, simply beautiful but it made me completely aware that there was something wrong with my way of thinking. When I was growing up I used to walk to and from school which was some 6 blocks away. All of which were down one of the busiest streets in town. The entire time I walked to school I was in complete and total fear. I was convinced that as the cars rushed past me my beautiful bracelet was going to get snagged on one of the speeding cars and I would be dragged to my DEATH!! Please let me take the time to remind you I was in 2nd grade maybe 1st grade. So when I would walk to school I would move my bracelet from my left hand to my right and on the way home from my right to my left so that my gold bracelet would always be on the opposite side of the traffic thus I could not be tragically killed.
I never expressed these fears to anyone in my family not even my mother. It used to drive her crazy that I would switch my bracelet from hand to hand. It was at the time an expensive gift and she thought I didn't understand or appreciate the beauty of such a gift. As I finished explaining this to my husband my stomach felt very queasy. He just sat at the edge of the bed with his his mouth open he took in a deep breath and then he began to laugh. He kissed me on my forehead and then with a hug whispered in my ear " I love you Sweet Pea." it was then that I wonder what ever happen to my gold bracelet?
Yes that is me as a little girl with the gold bracelet.
ReplyDeleteThat's called having a crazy imagination...I love it! Except for the bit about you scaring yourself half to death
ReplyDeleteMr. Jones (funny to call him that) is such a sweetheart. Mike laughs at me and calls me a freak when I divulge my innermost secrets. :)
x's and o's
Hey K, thanks for commenting on my blog. :D In answer to your question, I got my music on my blog by going to www.playlist.com and creating a playlist. Then they have an option to create code that you can plug in to blogger. If you have more questions, you can email me. :D shanabananag (at) gmail (dot) com.
ReplyDeleteHi K, I just found your blog through a comment on Shana's. I'm glad I did. I can really relate with this story, you write very well. It may sound like a little thing to other people but I know how realistic the thought would have been and the level of fear involved. I have had OCD since childhood and there were things I did that I truly believed at the time "saved my life". I'm glad you are writing about it, I look forward to reading more.
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