Just A Bump

 

Dear Jennifer Garner, 

 

I would like to thank you for the comments you made about your baby bump on the Ellen Show, October 8,2014. I have hated my baby bump for fifteen years. I have tried unsuccessfully to get rid of my baby bump every year since I first got pregnant. I have dreamed of having it surgically removed so that absolutely no trace of a single pregnancy showed. I have felt betrayed by my body and life, as my baby bump is so obviously there and yet it seems like every mother I have ever encountered seemed slimmer than before pregnancy with a flat stretch mark free stomach.  

 

Your words and acceptance of your baby bump helped me realize that it is okay that I have a baby bump. It's okay that I need to wear spanxs with certain dresses. I too have had three kids and there is a bump! I couldn't see the improvement in my body and health because I swore I wasn't slim but fat because of my horrid baby bump. I have worked hard to be healthy I have a beautiful life. I feel like such a fool focusing so much of my energy on hating my bump.

 

A fool for losing my self confidence to such a trivial thing. I'll never have a tight stomach again and I will always be soft in the middle but I will be embarrassed no more. So thank you Mrs.Garner Afflick for helping me see just how pretty a bump could be. 

This past Saturday my baby boy turned fifteen years old. He is my first born, my first love, and I can't believe he is now fifteen. How quickly the days of Thomas the Train, Blue's Clues and dinosaurs have faded and turned into days of texting with girls, locked bedroom doors, and only wanting to be with his friends. We've all been there I know but it doesn't make the sting of your child growing up any less painful.

Not only do I have to face the realization of my child growing up way too fast, of time not allowing me to put the hourglass on its side once but I am reminded of it twice! As my ten year old happily informs us all daily that his birthday is also this month. I find comfort only in the words my in laws have shared with me, they may not be small but they will always be your children and they will never stop needing you to be their mommy.

So happy 15th birthday to you Peanut!! You are my favorite part of every day.

SURPRISE!!

Today is my mother in laws birthday and to celebrate we (adults only, no kids allowed) are going out for a family dinner. The best part of tonight will be that my brother and sister in law will be here from Washington state. It was going to be a surprise for my mother in law but because we recently had family members suffering serious health issues the surprise was foiled. I had no idea they were coming until my mother in law told us they'd be staying for a week and that the restaurant reservation had been changed so it was still a surprise to me. That would have been an interesting evening, showing up to the wrong restaurant in the wrong city!!

I can't wait to see my brother and sister in law I haven't seen them since their wedding in September. My boys are sad that they can't attend Grandma's birthday dinner. They don't understand why it is adults only. They remind me that they behave properly in restaurants and don't eat that much. My oldest who is a 30 year old trapped in a 12 year old body really can't understand why he's not invited. He like most 12 year old does not see himself as a child. It's especially hard for him to see himself that way when his younger brothers are 5 and 8.

The boys are also eager to attend Grandma's birthday party because they haven't seen their auntie and uncle since before we left Washington. Their wedding was a "kid free" event also. Luckily for them we will be having a BBQ this week to celebrate Grandma's birthday and auntie and uncles arrival.

Just A Dream

I had the most beautiful and amazing dream last night. I dreamed I was pregnant and I was expect a girl!! A GIRL!! I woke with tears in my eyes because I desperately wanted it to be true with every fiber of my being. I LOVE my boys but have always dreamed of having a little girl. Not to dress up like a doll but to experience the special relationship mothers and daughters have.

Of course in the dream my husband was NOT happy with hearing the news I was expecting again. Honestly he never has been, I've never experienced that moment with my husband when you are BOTH excited about expanding your family. He's the only source of income, the numbers man so he looks at things from a financial point of view. The numbers adding up on the spreadsheet point of view God bless him.

Me I see events in our life as the oh this should be interesting I wonder how things will work themselves out point of view. It's why my hubby and I make sense he makes up what I lack and vice versa.

Anyway it was a beautiful dream.

My Happy Place

I have been so happy these last few days. My hubby has been home and I've gotten to cuddle with him on the couch. Hold his hand in the car. Talk for hours about everything and nothing. Kiss him good morning and good night. Watch him play with our boys and take care of their every need and want.

He is my best friend and he brings me such peace. When he's home I am upset about nothing and laugh at everything. When I'm with him everything is beautiful and right with the world.

He is my best friend, my blessing.