October 23, 2014

Just A Bump

Dear Jennifer Garner, 
I would like to thank you for the comments you made about your baby bump on the Ellen Show, October 8,2014. I have hated my baby bump for fifteen years. I have tried unsuccessfully to get rid of my baby bump every year since I first got pregnant. I have dreamed of having it surgically removed so that absolutely no trace of a single pregnancy showed. I have felt betrayed by my body and life, as my baby bump is so obviously there and yet it seems like every mother I have ever encountered seemed slimmer than before pregnancy with a flat stretch mark free stomach.  
Your words and acceptance of your baby bump helped me realize that it is okay that I have a baby bump. It's okay that I need to wear spanxs with certain dresses. I too have had three kids and there is a bump! I couldn't see the improvement in my body and health because I swore I wasn't slim but fat because of my horrid baby bump. I have worked hard to be healthy I have a beautiful life. I feel like such a fool focusing so much of my energy on hating my bump.
A fool for losing my self confidence to such a trivial thing. I'll never have a tight stomach again and I will always be soft in the middle but I will be embarrassed no more. So thank you Mrs.Garner Afflick for helping me see just how pretty a bump could be. 

October 21, 2014

Make It Happen

So yesterday I guess I was more sick then I originally thought and ended up laying in bed waiting for Jesus to come and take me home. I felt like I had been run over by a truck and if that wasn't bad enough I had to watch my tired husband come home and take care of me and the kids. Ugh!! I hate that!! He works so hard for us and I work so hard to make our home his refuge. A place of relaxation and happiness. I hate not being able to care for my family and honestly it isn't as if he actually minded but I did. 
Today I woke up feeling better although it still feels like I have a hot stone in my stomach, the nausea, body aches, and headache have all but disappeared. Every once in a while I break out in a sweat but my body I think is doing an amazing job at fighting off whatever it is that is afflicting me. I wasn't feeling 100% but there was no way I was going to lay in bed all day so I decided to lace up my running shoes and knock this thing out of my body with a 6.35 mile run. 

I gotta say it felt great to be outside and feel the cool misty air on my skin. I most certainly reached my goal with sweating because I have never come home so drenched in sweat in my entire life. Now everyday when I first wake up the first thing that comes to my mind is my run. I'm excited to get dressed, anxious to start the run, after dropping the kids off at school but when I do drop them off I begin to hear that voice in my head encouraging me not to go on this run. 

It says things like " nah girl, your tired today, you didn't sleep well remember?" Or "hey girl you know what sounds good right now? Cinnamon rolls!! Or donuts!!" I have these arguments and many more in my head and I just put my ear buds in and say to myself I've never regretted a single run, this one will be no different.

I think my daily runs and the daily food choices I make is the reason I am recovering quickly from this bug and why it hasn't been able to completely hit me with all its force. I was down for one evening but could have continued on with the day as if nothing were wrong but I'm glad I took the rest my body needed. I know tomorrow will be better and can't wait to run again. 

October 20, 2014


 I am feeling yucky today and I really don't appreciate it. Today the sky is the greyest it has been all week and I am at home instead of enjoying an amazing run. Usually I would just suck it up and complete the run. However it has always been my goal not to be that runner puking in the bushes and today I felt that I may just be that runner. So in listening to my body and not my heart I have decided to err on the side of caution and stay home for an unscheduled rest day. 
I am at a complete loss as to how to occupy myself. I've only been home thirty minutes and am completely bored. I don't feel well but to lay around and do nothing, I'd rather puke on the side of the road!! Ultimately I know my nose will end up in a book as time passes between loads of laundry and bitter comments to my uninterested dog about how no one makes a good feather duster anymore. 

Oh how I despise you unscheduled rest days!! Why couldn't you have come on a horribly sunny day? An ordinary sunny day, all I know is if I feel this way tomorrow... stay away from the bushes. 

October 18, 2014

YAY!! It's Gray!!

I have had the pleasure these past four days of enjoying my morning run under the canopy of stormy gray clouds. The blood in my veins humming with each mile reached. The crisp air nipping at my skin making me feel the glory of the day. My whole body comes alive on overcast days, my soul, it sings. I am happiest when under a gray sky. I am sure that seems odd as it is usually the sun that people want but for me it's an overcast sky or rainy day.

Perhaps I am getting a small glimpse into the wonderful winter runs I will experience in a few weeks. If only the fall were consistent with its cool gray weather. The sun and will soon regain it's rightful place in the So. Cal sky bringing along with it it's endless blue sky but for now it is nice to reminisce with the gray and enjoy a beautiful rendition of a PNW sky.

October 6, 2014

This past Saturday my baby boy turned fifteen years old. He is my first born, my first love, and I can't believe he is now fifteen. How quickly the days of Thomas the Train, Blue's Clues and dinosaurs have faded and turned into days of texting with girls, locked bedroom doors, and only wanting to be with his friends. We've all been there I know but it doesn't make the sting of your child growing up any less painful.

Not only do I have to face the realization of my child growing up way too fast, of time not allowing me to put the hourglass on its side once but I am reminded of it twice! As my ten year old happily informs us all daily that his birthday is also this month. I find comfort only in the words my in laws have shared with me, they may not be small but they will always be your children and they will never stop needing you to be their mommy.

So happy 15th birthday to you Peanut!! You are my favorite part of every day.

October 3, 2014

On Your Mark...Get Set...Go!!

Guess who just signed up for her first ever fun run? That's right this girl right here!! And if that wasn't awesome enough my hubby is doing the fun run with me!! We will be doing the Blacklight Run this February. I am thinking I will be donning a traditional race Tutu and some sort of headband accessory to complete the look. I have wanted to do a fun run for so long and now it is going to be a reality. It has been a goal of mine, a dream, to participate in a 5k fun run.

I hope his race is the first of many for me in 2015. Soon I hope to add a Turkey Trot, a Color Run, Mud Run and a race for Autism Awareness to my racing resume. Eventually working my way toward the Spartan Race. My husband really wants to do a Spartan race and this Blacklght Run could be the start of our bad ass addiction. So in 2015 watch me become an even bigger running fool and hopefully even post photos of my amazing runs in the breathtakingly beautiful PNW. 

October 2, 2014

You Run How Far?!?

Yesterday I greeted this first day of October with a daily run as I greet everyday. I am often asked how far I run and it is between 5.85 and 6.18 miles, depending on if I want to give myself that extra little push. These numbers usually elicit a gasp and look somewhere between shock and horror. And to be perfectly honest with you it isn't until someone has this reaction to my numbers that it occurs to me that the distance I run some may consider far. I mean it is far don't get me wrong, 5/6 plus miles anywhere is far. It's just to me it is simply a part of my daily routine. I navigate the distance of my run by the landmarks I pass. To me it is really just the route I run the distance truly never occurs to me. 

When we were in a heat wave this summer I was asked by our crossing guard lady after she wished me well on my run if I was going for a short run or a long run? I told her I didn't really know that I wouldn't know until I started my run. Then she asked me how I could possibly run in the heat and humidity. My answer was so honest I left her standing with her mouth agape in the street. I simply responded with this "because my desire to be thin is greater than my common sense." I didn't even think about what I was saying it just sort of fell out of my mouth. It is true to an extent but it isn't the only reason I run.

 I run because I love the solitude, the way you are completely connected with yourself. You are in the moment, living in the moment. Your head is clear, your heart at peace and the earth is alive and breathing and your breathing with it. You become acutely aware of every color, every sent, every living thing you pass. Suddenly you notice the beauty in the birds chirping and calling to each other from tree to tree. You appreciate the way the colors in the trees blend and change creating a new look everyday. The vibrant color of the grass and how it seems to cool your skin with its freshly dampened soil. Mountains stand glorious and tall, the sky always seems to be the bluest of blues I have ever seen, and every stranger I pass acknowledges me with an encouraging nod or smile. 

When I run I am completely connected to God and all his creation and I guess that's why it is so easy for me to forget that 5.85/6.18 is far.