April 21, 2010

Not You Again!!!!

Hello Mr. Anxiety I've been expecting you, it is so nice how you are always right on time. Even though I have asked you not to visit me you ignore my wishes and come baring gifts of worry and stress.

Why is Mr. Anxiety visiting me??? Well because my oldest son is going on a field trip tomorrow. Which in itself would not cause this level of anxiety in me. I mean it would be less stressful on me if they were just taking the bus to their destination but NOOOOOOO they are taking the bus and then the train UUUUGGGHHHH!!!!! WHY...WHY...WHY!!!

I know...I know... he will be okay. I am saying that in a sarcastic tone by the way, why do they have to increase their chances of possibly losing my child?!?! What if he gets on the wrong train or they miscount??? Or what if he is in the bathroom and they accidentally leave him behind? Oh these scenarios will be running through my mind all night. I am not going to be able to get any kind of real sleep tonight and I predict I am going to be a real peach in the morning.

Oh why don't I home school my children????

April 19, 2010

It's Me Again!!!!

I feel like I am starting to rediscover myself, destroying the image and the idea of who I created and wanted people to think I was. I am being true to myself and with truth comes resistance. I want to spread my wings and be free in this life. Free to be the perfectly flawed and incredibly goofy and neurotic ME!!! I am selfish and giving, angry and calm, sensible and nonsensical, cruel and kind, I am full of love and equally full of hate. I am and have always been and can only be... me!!! A girl who dreams of Paris, books, and love. A girl who craves laughter and basking in the glory of his love.

My lips curl upward as they hide behind my hand, I am amused by your confessions of disappointment in me. Are you angry that the real me has returned or confused by who you see? So you talk about me, question me, check on me, all in the quest to get a glimpse of the real me so you will be able to triumphantly exclaim "I told you!!!" to your family and friends. So you keep acting like this, keep trying to understand, keep giving me the power to ruin your day and I will keep being me.

April 5, 2010

Is This A Joke?

Guess who ladies??? This is him... the one... the only... Tucker Max!!! The man who has bedded hundreds if not thousands of women. The man who in his lifetime has had women fight over him and plead their cases as to why he should pick them over any other girl at the party to give him oral sex. Forget the fact these women had just only met him, I mean we've all been there right ladies??? Walked up to some random guy at a party and performed fellatio on him in the restroom?!?! After all that's what girls do as soon as they attend college, become blindly promiscuous.

Not only has he convinced people that these ridiculous stories are true but the fact that he has made a living and a name for himself is baffling. He is a published writer and not only that his book on his so called "life experiences" was made into a movie!!!

It is so ridiculous that it is genius, pure genius. Tell the most outrageously huge lies about your sexual encounters and guys will buy it hook, line, and sinker!!! I guess it's true what they say the bigger the lie the more likely people will believe you.

Bravo Tucker Max you are a pathological liar that has successfully managed to market yourself as a legend, and I'm sure you are laughing all the way to the bank.

My Little Secret

Many people who personally know me have asked and suggested that I place this information on my blog. I chose not to share this information because I thought it sounded a little bit arrogant.Well here I go, this is the children's book that I wrote and had published, I am a writer. I have written 7 books in the Carli and the Magic Tea Party series. Although I have truly only attempted to have the first in the series published, I am now starting to feel the urge to really work on getting the second book published. I don't know why it is so hard for me to admit that I am a writer to people. I really have to work on being true to myself not the image I want to portray. I even have a website www.carlijess.com which I say shamefully I rarely manage.

My dream and who I aspired to be like is Barbara Park the author and creator of the Junie B. Jones children's book series.I love her books and think she captures children's attitude and thought process beautifully. I hope to one day with hard work, I will be able to achieve her level of success in the children's literary publishing world. Now when I say her level of success I am not talking in the monetary sense. I am talking about the level of joy and recognition by children for her outrageously funny character Junie B. Jones. I would love to see my books in school libraries, book stores, and in those scholastic book order forms our kids are always coming home with.

Whenever someone asks me what do you do for a living I always say "Oh I'm a stay at home mom" I never that say "Oh I'm a writer" although my kids do!!! I think because my paychecks from my publisher if you can even call them paychecks can not support my family I feel like I'm not really a writer. I am a contradiction, I don't do it for the money I do it for the passion of the work but since the money doesn't support my family I don't consider myself a writer. Is anyone else as amused as I am by my own self loathing?!?!

I think that is one of the reasons I want to be a medical assistant so badly because my paychecks will positively contribute to my family. Also I have wanted to become a medical assistant for many years now but just didn't have the courage or the support to do so. Well there it is my little secret for all to see, I am a writer who refuses to call herself a writer.

April 3, 2010


If you know a guy who is an a$$h@le it is very likely he has read this book and it has become his bible and Tucker Max his Jesus!!! Now it takes a special kind of stupid a$$h@le to read this book and believe all the events written about actually happened or have not been grossly and incredibly over exaggerated. It is a juvenile literary work that has convinced intellectually challenged guys that these rewritten Penthouse forum stories actually happened not only to the hero Tucker Max but his friends.

Now I have read the book and it is humorous and disgusting, it is offensive to various groups and makes no apologies for it. It is found under the HUMOROUS section of Barnes and Noble not the BIOGRAPHY section, a minor detail overlooked by some readers. Again he has to be a special kind of stupid to totally believe these stories are real and to put these tactics into practice in his life for the purpose of picking up women and or helping his friend/friends get laid.

I had the pleasure of running into such a delusional a$$h@le last night who bated me into a conversation and when I misspoke, something that my intellectual superior has never done before in his own life, he pounced on me and immediately started insulting my intelligence. He took up the character of "Sling Blade" although he really wanted to be the main character Tucker Max (Tucker is the one who gets ALL the a$$) he went what they affectionately call "Mad Max" on me. A move to appear as the biggest a$$h@le I have ever encountered so that his friend would appear as the nice guy and the one to go home with.


Now this exchange was humorous to me because I have read the book so I understood the game, however my opponent didn't expect that and was irritated that I would no longer engage him and was insulted that I was bored by his performance, something I think he hears from women more often then not. Which makes sense as to why in his group of friends he is their "Sling Blade". Remember ladies I am not in my 20's I am in my mid 30's and so was this winner!!!

To my opponent "Sling Blade" thanks for the laugh and remember you are special, you are important, and gosh darn it people like you. However I am not one of them I think you are a total douche bag!!! Oh hey did I mention I was a writer???

April 1, 2010

Not A Peep

Lately I have been censoring what I write about with regards to what is going on in my life. Not because I don't want to share what has been happening but because of who might be reading my posts. Now even though my blog is on a public forum and anyone can read or follow it I used to feel like I had anonymity. A special group of faceless friends who read my words and found humor in my wacky life.

Now with all that has happened I am scared to be honest and write my true feelings down as I so easily did in the past because I have personal relationships with some of the readers. I have become frightened of judgment and hurting or disappointing these people who I love dearly. It weighs very heavy on me when I think I have hurt or disappointed people I love but writing has always been the way I expressed myself and I feel that I can no longer be true to myself or be honest in my blogs.

Perhaps I am being big headed or perhaps this is the only way they can learn first hand what is going on.Perhaps they just don't even give a crap anymore what I write and or if I write!!! Who knows all I know is that in times like these nothing is ever easy.