April 5, 2010

My Little Secret

Many people who personally know me have asked and suggested that I place this information on my blog. I chose not to share this information because I thought it sounded a little bit arrogant.Well here I go, this is the children's book that I wrote and had published, I am a writer. I have written 7 books in the Carli and the Magic Tea Party series. Although I have truly only attempted to have the first in the series published, I am now starting to feel the urge to really work on getting the second book published. I don't know why it is so hard for me to admit that I am a writer to people. I really have to work on being true to myself not the image I want to portray. I even have a website www.carlijess.com which I say shamefully I rarely manage.

My dream and who I aspired to be like is Barbara Park the author and creator of the Junie B. Jones children's book series.I love her books and think she captures children's attitude and thought process beautifully. I hope to one day with hard work, I will be able to achieve her level of success in the children's literary publishing world. Now when I say her level of success I am not talking in the monetary sense. I am talking about the level of joy and recognition by children for her outrageously funny character Junie B. Jones. I would love to see my books in school libraries, book stores, and in those scholastic book order forms our kids are always coming home with.

Whenever someone asks me what do you do for a living I always say "Oh I'm a stay at home mom" I never that say "Oh I'm a writer" although my kids do!!! I think because my paychecks from my publisher if you can even call them paychecks can not support my family I feel like I'm not really a writer. I am a contradiction, I don't do it for the money I do it for the passion of the work but since the money doesn't support my family I don't consider myself a writer. Is anyone else as amused as I am by my own self loathing?!?!

I think that is one of the reasons I want to be a medical assistant so badly because my paychecks will positively contribute to my family. Also I have wanted to become a medical assistant for many years now but just didn't have the courage or the support to do so. Well there it is my little secret for all to see, I am a writer who refuses to call herself a writer.