April 9, 2014

Losing Myself

WOW!! I have not posted on my blog since 2012. Although I'm sure no one has missed me because I'm fairly positive that no one really reads my blog, my absence from my blog was a necessary one.

I needed to focus on myself, to focus on my health. I was in trouble and in danger of cutting my life short. I have Hypothyroidism and I was obese. Now when I say obese I mean obese. Not chubby or pudgy or whatever other cute name you want to use for slightly fat. I was OBESE, FAT, Fatty -Fat -Fat- Pants.

I  was weighing in at a very unhealthy 215.lbs which was a lot to ask of my 5'4 frame. I squeezed myself into a very tight size 18 when I really should have been in a size 20/22. I was one of those awesome people who thought no one could see my muffin top through my fitted cotton shirt.

I hated my life, I hated my body, but above all I hated myself for continually deceiving myself into believing there wasn't a problem that needed to be addressed. I convinced myself I was simply genetically unlucky. I wasn't born with the "you look like you haven't had a baby" gene. I at one point or another sold myself on all the lies we try to sell ourselves. The "I'm big and beautiful" lie, the "I want to enjoy my life and eat cake" lie, The "my husband loves me just the way I am" lie.

Now when I say lie, understand I am speaking of people who are unhappy with their weight and instead of doing something about it try and convince themselves of being happy. If you identify yourself as big and beautiful good for you. I am not one of those people I do not have that kind of self-esteem.

So after not being able to believe my own lies anymore I decided to be brave and try to lose weight. I knew I needed help because I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't care. I couldn't live one more day hating myself.

I started my weight loss journey October 2012. To date I have lost 67 lbs. and wearing a size 6 pant. I am not at my goal weight but I am happier and healthier than ever.

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