The Zoloft is working, my cleaning schedule has fallen by the waist side. I go to bed at night and leave the dinner dishes in the sink, which is a very big deal for me. Although I find it kind of stupid because it just adds to the morning mess. So progress my floors are dirty and yet the world has not come to a screeching halt!
In the morning my kids make their own beds and I am perfectly okay that their room does not look absolutely perfect. Progress, my kids climb on my bed, walk on my vacuum tracks and I don't turn into a raving lunatic. My kids are more relaxed now and I've noticed they are not walking on eggshells around me and have seemingly stoped wondering when or what will set me off next.
Progress, I only clean the house on Saturday and my hubby is more than fine with it but best of all I am fine with it. Right now my house is presentable the kitchen is clean the house is vacuumed all the rooms are picked up the beds are made. I am still fighting the urge of feeling like a slob because my floors still have not been swept but so far I'm doing okay.
Progress, yesterday my sweet hubby loaded up the dishwasher, all wrong by my standards he didn't keep the matching plates together, he didn't load them in the order of smallest plate to largest plate, he just put them in where ever they would fit. I had a slight panic attack but I did NOT rearrange the plates in the dishwasher I just let it be.
However there is no progress when it comes to me checking the doors and all the light switches in the house still need to be in a uniform direction. That I don't think will ever change for me. Also my feelings of my kids health and safety is still the same. I find myself having little moments of terror because in a few weeks ALL 3 of my kids will be spending the night at their grandparents house. Just writing it down makes me nauseous but what can I say I am a mother of 3 beautiful boys who has anxiety and OCD that is who I am that is who I will always be.
"Joy is not the result of getting what you want; it is the way to get what you want. In the deepest sense, joy is what you want.
~ Allan Cohen~