August 2, 2009

The Mothers Gasp

I have been without medication for 30 days now(insurance issues) and so far I have been handling myself well. I do check the locks more often now than I previously had and am a little on edge over my children's safety but to me that is normal. Last month my youngest son injured himself at a friends house and ever since then I have become more anxious and overprotective of them, if that is even possible but I guess where there is anxiety there is a way.

We were swimming in our friends pool, my little guy is a fish, where there is water you will find my baby splashing. My littlest pumpkin was playing on the large reef step when disaster struck. My baby got excited tried to run and tripped in the water impaling himself on the rocky edge of the pool! The gashon his forehead was deep and the blood flowed quickly. It took 2 stitches to close the wound, 4 was needed but only 2 were tolerated. Now my baby bares an ugly scar to remind me that I wasn't quick enough to catch him when he fell that day. (Failure)

So I now suffer from the mothers gasp, you know the sound that annoys every father, relative, and non~parent within earshot of you. He trips, GASP! He runs ahead of me, GASP!
for every little thing GASP! GASP! GASP! Now everything and anything my kids do is followed by the gasp.Then I get upset with them for scaring me and making me worry. As if they are even aware of my feelings or emotions. They are just children enjoying themselves enjoying their day all they want to do is play they are not aware of the stress and worry I have. They only become aware of it when I yell at them for no real or valid reason.

Also a small observation I noticed about myself, I organize my dirty dishes. If for some God awful reason I cannot do my dishes I stack,straighten, and organize them for the next day. It is rare for it to happens but on a few occasions I have noticed that I have a tendency to organize what most would leave piled. Also just curious does anyone else wash their hands after making their family members beds? Or have a preference to a bathroom in your home? I do, my master bathroom is the only bathroom I feel comfortable using and I hate it when my kids use it or anyone else for that matter that isn't my husband ofcourse. Oh God please let their be other people out there like me in this world, don't let me be the only one who does these things!!Anyway my baby is fine now he just has a scar that reminds me of the moment that I wasn't there to save him.


  1. Reading your blog...sometimes its weird, reading someone else's words and thinking "Oh my god, someone else is like me...I'm not the only one!" lol. It's weird, it's funny...and it's comforting in a way. Yes, I organize my dirty dishes...and they have to be in a certain order in the dishwasher, or I take every single thing out and re-do it before the dishwasher can be run. Drives my hubby nuts. Everything I do has to be in certain orders, certain ways (laundry, showering, daily hygiene routines, etc). Drives me and my hubby nuts sometimes...

    Hope your little one's head heals fast. We've been having lots of bumps/bruises as my little guy has just started walking and he's a little wobbly at times. Scares the bejesus outta me at times :-\

  2. You're definitely not alone. One thing I've learned about OCD, is that no matter how weird something I do seems, there's someone out there who says, "Wow, that sounds JUST like me."

    As Retro Girl notes, it's both totally weird and somehow comforting.