January 2, 2010

How Do You Know You Are Unhappily Married?

How do you know when your unhappy in your marriage? How do you know when you are at your limit if your spouse has no idea why you are leaving? Last year a lot of couples informed us they were getting divorced or separating. All seemed totally out of left field and I know that we really have no idea what another persons relationship/marriage is really like behind closed doors but what made them even more shocking was the spouses lack of knowledge of their partners unhappiness. How do you help a heartbroken friend or relative if they have no idea where things went wrong in their marriage?

So it got me thinking how do you know you are unhappy in your marriage? I mean all marriages go through their ups and downs and some months your spouse just bugs the heck out of you!! But how long of a grace period do you give yourself? Years, months, weeks? Now I am not talking about the obvious unhappiness in a marriage like your spouse has had affairs on you or is abusive in some way I am talking about the everyday issues. Like they never help me with the kids or I am so unappreciated kind of stuff, the stuff that every couple has to deal with because no relationship is truly 50/50.

There is always someone who does more in the relationship so what makes the other person really leave? Do they see someone elses relationship and say to themselves I want to be treated that way? I have been exposed to divorce in my life through family and friends and in having a front row seat I have experienced divorce from different perspective and seemingly in each case the "NEW" person that the divorcee ends up with does maybe 1 or 2 things different than the first spouse did. For example the "NEW" spouse likes to go dancing enjoys country music and opens the car door for me or she likes to go camping and ride motorcycles but everything else is the same as the first wife/husband.

So how do you know you need to get a new spouse? How do you know you need a change in spouse not a change in you? After all no one is perfect.

~*Note To Readers*~
This blog post has NOTHING to do with my personal life. It is only an observation of what has been happening around me.


  1. In my opinion people give up to easily. Marriage is like a job and you have to work at it everyday. There are many ups and downs in a marriage, but like in the vows "it's for better or for worse" ~ excluding any abuse as you stated. We grow, and our ideas and taste change so as a spouse I feel we need to take interest in the new things that our husband or wife have interest in. Communication is so very important and laughter is huge in my opinion. There is a reason you fell in love in the first place ~ you need to revisit that place again and not give up. I think if divorce was not so socially accepted maybe couples would try harder. I'm not perfect and neither is my marriage ~ we have had our issues, but we're a team and are working hard to remain that way. And boy does he make me laugh! Whomever in you life is having problems ~ just be an ear for them to talk too ~ offer advice only if asked ~ maybe even offer to watch their children (if they have any) so that they may have some alone time to talk with their spouse to figure out what the next step will be....